My story: Part one

So as I said in my first blog, I have a habit of hurting myself on purpose. Hence the "Self Mutilation" in the title. Now, there are many kinds of self mutilation (otherwise known as self harm, or self injury.). Bruising, cutting, burning, hair pulling, etc. Personally, I cut. The rest just didn't appeal to me.
  I guess I'll talk about how it started.
  I had been feeling down for a while, what with my math grades falling and the ridicule and judgement from my parents and a few of my friends, and just plain old low self esteem. So as I searched for a way to make myself feel better, I started looking at stuff about cutting. There was a movie called To Save a Life, where one of the characters cut to feel better. Demi Lovato was discovered as being a self-harmer. And one of my friends had been cutting for a while. So I connected the thought of relief, with pain.
  Now, that might have been a foolish thing to think, and it probably was. But, I wanted to find out for myself. So on January 21, 2011 I took the sharp, rough edge of one of those plastic valentines to the side of my arm, where it was really boney.
  When any cutter just starts out, they adore the feeling and want to do it more, just like a druggie. But once you get addicted, all you want is to be able to stop. That is one very big thing that I didn't realize. One of my friends told me that, and said that if I stopped, she'd try to as well. But I didn't take her up on that offer, though I probably should have for the both of us. Because now she's much worse than she ever was.
  But back to the story. At first, I didn't do it deep enough to bleed, just enough to feel it, which is all I really needed at the time. But as it progressed, I had to have it bleed for it to be enough. Eventually, it didn't really hurt anymore, and I was just in it for the blood. At that point, I had started doing it with the sharp metal part of a fancy tape dispenser that I had taken out. I kept it hidden in plain sight, because I could just clean it off and put it back in the tape dispenser when I wasn't using it and nobody would suspect anything.
  I guess I was TRYING to get caught, to a point. And eventually I did, but that is a story for another time.